Dear Newly Diagnosed Me: What I Wish I Knew

Dear Newly Diagnosed Me,

Before you freak out, I want you to know you made it to the other side. You’re healthy, life is life’n again and yes, your hair grew back. But before you get too excited, know that the journey here has not been easy. Simply saying, “you made it,” doesn’t encompass the rollercoaster you quite literally had to ride to get here. Now that I can see everything with full 20/20 vision, here’s what your future self and cancer-free Baddie wants to tell you. So listen up girlie pop.

1. Life never goes back to “normal.” The life before cancer and after cancer is like the great divide in your life. You will spend the vast majority of your treatment days longing for the life you had: the relationships, job, mindset, and pre-cancer self that felt all too perfect before diagnosis. The person you were and are today is going to rapidly transform into something bigger, better, and more evolved. Allow yourself to grieve and mourn your old life. And I’m not just talking a quick cry, let the tears come whenever a memory flashes, or a person you once held dear to your heart whom you no longer speak to, crosses your mind. Grief is a process and cannot be rushed. There is beauty in the grief, but more on that later. Remember, your life is rapidly changing on the daily, there is absolutely no way you can go through all of this and remain the same person on the other side. And there is so much beauty in this knowing.

2. You know best. People will have soooooo many opinions on what you should do, what you shouldn’t do, how to cope, how to escape, when to rest, when to move, and let me just tell you…it is all a projection. People give advice or recommendations, especially about cancer, from a place of experience or trauma. I don’t know a single person who hasn’t been touched by cancer. Although there is relatability in that, it also means there are a lot of opinions. Whatever you decide to do for treatment, with your body, with your free time, etc etc, is YOUR decision and is always the right decision. Create boundaries with yourself and others opinions because the more you let in, the more you question your intuition. People often give opinions out of fear or trauma they have personally lived and it really has nothing to do with you. So be mindful of who and what you are letting in. At the end of the day, you always know best.

3. Move your body and quiet your mind. Want to know the best way to fight fatigue, feel better, and remain grounded? Movement and rest. Yes, there are going to be a lot of days where all you want to do is stay in bed and watch movies all day. Which, hell ya, who doesn’t love that? But do not make this every day. The more you give in to fatigue, the more fatigued you will feel. Get outside. Walk. Lift some weights. Meditate. Breathe. Be still. Rest. If there has ever been a time to take your self-care practices to supernova level, it is now. Create a schedule for yourself that is attainable and feels good. Find movements you enjoy that will challenge you in moderate ways. If you never worked out before, don’t start Crossfit (obviously), but do go on daily walks. Strive to lift weights 2-3x a week. Keep the body and mind active and then schedule the recovery. Once you shift the purpose on what and why you’re doing something, that’s when you build healthy lifetime habits.

4. There is beauty in the grief. The word ‘grief’ most likely sends a shiver down your spine. The feeling of all-encompassing sadness never feels good but here’s how you can shift your perspective. You will spend the next few years grieving your past life, relationships, memories you made, old mindsets, the list goes on. But why do we grieve? Because of change. We are leaving something behind and moving onto something else. The life you are moving towards is bigger than you imagined. The mental shifts will allow you to be more grateful, more appreciative, more grounded, more adventurous, because cancer is a teacher. It’s here to remind you of things that no longer align with you and where you are headed. Allow yourself to grieve but remind yourself of the beauty that awaits you. Life is always working for you, never against.

5. Life gets good again. And how beautiful is that? Knowing that every moment, second, thought of the day, is temporary. Including this pain. What you believe shapes your reality so no matter your diagnosis, continue to hold onto the belief that this is all temporary and life will be good again. Why? Because there are no other options. We know where you’re at is hard and painful and scary and uncertain and and and and…..but by holding onto these thoughts, you keep yourself here. Start to envision the life you are getting a second chance at. Make a bucket list of all of your wildest dreams. On the weeks you feel good, make plans with friends and family. When you reach big milestones, schedule something really big. This is a journey and not a check list. You’re on this ride for a very specific reason so it’s important to make this ride your own. Take back your joy, laughter, power, softness, because you deserve it. Say it with me….life will be SO very good again!

One last thing I want to mention before I leave you. There are lessons in every step of this journey. It’s up to you to uncover what they are and what it all means. Maybe cancer came as a strong reminder to love yourself more. Or to slow down. Or to stop stressing. Or to work through that trauma you’ve been stuffing down all of your life. Find the lesson because it’s there.

But most importantly, love yourself deeper than you ever have before. Love the body that is helping you survive. Love the hair that is falling away. Love the muscles that are getting weaker trying to keep up with treatments. Love your heart for holding on. Every ounce of you is working for you. Love it all.

xoxo, Amanda

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