Why Having Expectations Only Let’s you Down

I’ve been recovering from my second reconstructive surgery for breast cancer, expanders to implant + fat grafting from my flanks.

It’s been a week since surgery and overall I have to say, recovery hasn’t been too bad. Compared to the double mastectomy, this is a walk in the park!

Not to scare anyone who is about to go through a DM but this surgery felt way less invasive and severe. Sure, there is bruising and soreness but overall very manageable!

The struggle hasn’t necessarily been with the physical but again with the emotional disappointment I felt after waking from surgery.

I have a very successful doctor at Cedars and really trust her work. Unfortunately, I’m not sure enough care may have been given to prepare me enough for this surgery.

Going into an expander to implant surgery feels like the last step, final hoorah, and like a little gift to yourself after battling cancer for so long.

When you envision this surgery (at least I did), I envisioned normal, healthy implants like we have seen a million times before. My brain was not envisioning the possibility of one breast being larger than the other, rippling, multiple revisions, not enough space for fat grafting, etc etc.

I went into this surgery having such high expectations that my surgery would be perfect, my boobs would be perfect, and this would be the end of my cancer journey.

HELLOOO Amanda, when has cancer ever been this simple?!

I was devastated when I woke up to see things weren’t perfect. That this isn’t the end and I may have to go through more surgeries. But there is one thing I would have wished for from my care team…

…that they set the expectations going into surgery. What are we trying to achieve? Can this be done in one surgery? If not, how many do you think we will need to have? A reminder that implants on breast cancer patients is very different than non-cancer patients.

I hadn’t had this conversation or A conversation in so long and now feel confused on what’s next. Like it’s an open ended question to something I thought would be done now.

If you are going into any of these surgeries, yes ofc it’s important to have an idea of what you want, but lowering your expectations on what you will receive may help in the long run.

Cancer is a continuous round of whip lash, disappointments, heart breaks and so on and no one ever really prepares you for any of it.

Continue to take it one day, appointment and sometimes hour at a time. You will get through.

XO, amanda

🗓UPCOMING EVENTS🗓

🌟WED May 22 - 5:30pm PST: Navigating Cancer Grief w/ Dr. Julie Shaw

Join us on Wed May 22, 5:30pm PST, as Dr. Julie Shaw helps us navigate the loss of cancer and the grief associated with this journey. Most doctors and healthcare providers don't have the time or resources to help prepare us for losing the life we once had. It is a slow realization process of understanding that a lot of the emotional distress we experience is due to grieving our old life.

Dr. Julie Shaw (she/her) is a certified grief educator, grief coach, speaker and experienced griever. Dr. Shaw is committed to building an inclusive community of grievers who are curious, ready to explore and moved to find ways they can integrate grief into their lives and continue to thrive.

She is the founder of Hello I‘m Grieving, a community where grievers can find support and motivation through innovative, thought-provoking events. As a former professional basketball player and collegiate coach, Dr. Shaw adds to her grief work a specialty in coaching high performers on their grief journey to help them reimagine success as they navigate their grief.

Dr. Shaw has her doctorate in Leadership and is the co-founder of Lead Different Consulting where she works with global leaders in diverse industries and facilitates training on leadership development, DEI, and grief education. As a grief expert, Dr. Shaw has spoken on panels alongside David Kessler, contributed to the Empathy.com Cost of Dying Report, serves as a guest expert for HelpTexts, and her story is featured in the grief documentary Meet Me Where I Am. Dr. Shaw is also the host of the Hello I’m Grieving podcast.

This event is donation-based. The suggested donation is $5 but if you cannot afford a donation at this time, please come anyways! All are welcome.

This will be a very special session, make sure to book early (only 50 spots)!

What other events/offerings would you like to have? Want to nominate a Cancer Baddie for CB of the Month? Send me an email!

🎵TREATMENT SONG OF THE WEEK🎵